Living on the edge

‘You’re moving very close to the edge’ my dad said to me in a conversation that we had recently. He is among the people who I love and care for who is trying to convince me that it might be time to go home…

 And the thought is extremely tempting. Home is filled with mornings where my mom brings me coffee in bed, a house filled with noisy dogs and (I believe) is currently being ruled by my adorable niece. Home is curling up on the couch watching a movie with my dad and soaking up the sun next to our enormous pool. Home has laughter and craziness and long, quiet conversations. Home is filled with fights over silly things and a big brother who insists on wearing his pants a little too low for everyone else’s comfort.

 Home is full of good food, braais, drinks and green summer grass. It gets covered in lights and sparkly things at Christmas time, is the hiding place for eggs at Easter and the bakery for chocolate cake on birthdays.

 It is a haven to run to with a broken heart, to eat candy laying you your big brother's bed while he tries to explain the history of the Dexter series to you through your tears, and the base where you leap from once your wings have grown enough. Home is safe and I yearn for it often. The comfort and ease that it holds…

 Life on the edge is tough… Life on the edge is scary.

 The long, lonely nights of quiet bungalows, the throbbing of your heart when you think about the grassy hills of home, the food, the beauty, the culture, the people. Your people…

 The stress and uncertainty that you experience on a visa run when they tell you they don’t know whether you will be able to get the visa and thus return to the country where you have left the two bags that contain your life and your world.

 The chasing of silly things and realising that it’s a waste of time. The days spent freezing on a longtail boat in the rain. Scars on your body accumulating like the ones on your heart.

 

Sad good byes to people who you are not ready to let go of…

  Life on the edge sometimes overwhelms you and leaves you struggling to catch your breath, tears streaming down your face. You spend countless moment wondering whether this is all worth it…

 But at some point you need to use your wings… you need to leap into life and savour every experience that it throws at you. The amazing, take-your-breath-away sunset dives, the connections with people who would have remained strangers, the memories that you will never regret making.

 The things you do… the places you go… the people you meet… and the endless inspiration, growth and happiness they bring to your life, and your soul makes every bad day seem like a bad dream, forgotten by the time morning comes around. Living on the edge is not easy but there is no denying that it is worth it!!