My year in an oyster shell

The last day of the year is usually dedicated to reminiscing and remembering, to look back over the year that has passed and, for me, being amazed by all the change that happened in the last year.

My year in an oyster shell of change:

The year started with a broken heart over the loss of a very dear friend, this was compounded by seeking comfort in the wrong places.

I had a 'month of me', where I focused on making decisions purely based on what makes me happy, what I want out of life and where I am headed. Part of this was my decision to give up boys and their mischief for lent. 

I had a month where I pushed my boundaries and smashed through my limits, I became a bikini fish and took a big step closer to changing my life through doing my scuba dive instructors' course.

There was some wooing followed by betrayal and a little bit more shattering of my heart. And then some healing was found in sharing my passion for the underwater world with others and on the white beaches, warm water, sand dunes and cocktail sunsets of magical Mozambique.

There was some ferocious preparing for my mini adventure and then my biiiig adventure.

I had some awesome days in the sun, with a great group of friends sailing on a yacht along the South African coast.

There was some partying and quick catch-ups with friends and family and then good byes as I left for Thailand where I came to embrace cold showers and night dives dancing with luminescence stars.

My year was filled with many tears and doubts, fights and arguments with friends, family, the universe and myself. With discovering gems of friends. With countless moments that took my breath(e) -hehe- away. Mostly my year was filled with self discovery, with challenging myself to push harder and move further. With so much of loving and dancing and craaazy singing... and laughing... always the lauging!!

Cold showers

I find myself sitting in paradise this morning. We have some good music playing in the 'office'. There is a crazy wind that's blowing in from the sea and the water is choppy but still super clear and turquoise-blue.


I've finally settled and for the most part found my feet on the white sandy beaches of a small island in the south of Thailand.


In the little home that I share with my cousin we have the luxury of having a cold water only shower. I don't mind showering in cold water in the afternoons or evenings to wash the sea out of my hair and off my body, but find it a less-than-gentle wake up call in the mornings when my body is still warm from sleeping. Usually the stream of cold water is met by a stream of expletives from me.


The first few minutes are usually spent doing one of two things: holding my breath, bracing myself and trying to get accustomed to the cold water as soon as possible, or only spending as much time under the water as I absolutely have to.


My dream of living in a shack by the beach has finally become a reality.

With my little detour adventure doing the sailing course in Durban back home, and now my biiiiig adventure I am learning that, like stepping into a cold shower in the morning, the first few weeks, days even, of a new adventure are always the most difficult.

There is a shock to the system, confusion and often some swear words are uttered, sometimes exclaimed out loud, but mostly grumbled as a whisper to myself. While trying to soak up all the magic that this new adventure holds I found myself overwhelmed and feeling a little bit out of my depth. I was in a place where people could not understand me and I could not understand what people were saying to me, I didn't know where I was most of the time and relied on strangers to help me get where I needed to be.

I had some amazing encounters with strangers and some not so magical times while travelling. One of these being the time a guy threw me off the train only to have me wait on the platform for the same train to leave, do goodness-knows-what and come back again in half an hour., ready for me to get back on. 


Two weeks have passed with me blissfully living out my dream on Koh Lipe, where the hours and days fade into one. There is no more living for the weekend or home time at 5 pm. The hours are long, work is hard and I am getting some awesome muscles form doing general diving related tasks...


I have stood under the cold water and the discomfort has passed. I am again finding my balance and finding the magic in sunsets and breathing under water, in dancing with luminescence in the night, of crazy laughing and deep conversations... in living and loving and being... getting rejuvenated, and preparing to leap out of my comfort zone again in a few months.

20 Seconds of insane courage

Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery... And I promise you something great will come of it!! - Unknown.

"Wow! You're so lucky! Soon you will be working on an exotic island with lots of hunky Baywatch boys around, sipping sun downers in a hammock whilst the sun caresses the ocean with the last of its warmth of the day." Or some other fairly closely related daydream I hear from people who find out about my pending adventure.

Why yes, I am lucky because the passion that I have for what I will be doing runs through my entire being. Am I lucky that my adventure is filled with white beaches, crystal clear oceans, bronzed bodies and lots of time in the water? Not so much. See, it had nothing to do with luck. It is the culmination of a number of small steps, each in itself being born in 20 seconds of insane courage. Embarrassing braveness if you will.

I studied for four years to get an honours degree in Psychology which qualified me to work as a call centre agent (an experience that taught me to have a large amount of patience when I get a call from an unknown number). From there I got into corporate and slowly realised that was not where I was meant to be.

One sunny, late winters day I went to the race track with the dive centre where I had done most of my training and made a spur-of-the-moment decision to re-do my Dive Master course to brush up on my skills and knowledge. 20 Seconds of courage. On that course (like the first time around) I met some friends who have touched my life deeply. Little did I know that this choice was going to change my life completely. But then again seeing as I was in the 'changing my life' space  it was very appropriate.

During that course I had gotten to know, love and lost a very dear friend. Like a kid I excitedly waited for the train to pass so that I can get the flattened coins that I had placed on the tracks. I dived with sharks and wrestled with some demons.

It took 20 seconds of insane courage to enrol onto my scuba dive instructors course... And a month of insanely hard work, stress and craziness to get through to the other end as a qualified instructor.

There were 20 seconds of insane courage involved when I finally admitted that I do not belong in a corporate environment and handed my resignation to my boss.

And then there was very little of anything that happened. For a couple of months I just coasted, wondering why the universe wasn't showing me my next step. In reality I was so frozen with fear that I was unwilling to take the next step. I was always waiting for something to get done first. Eventually I put my car up for sale. It took 20 seconds (O.K., perhaps one minute) to type up and send out a message, telling everyone to spread the word. Within a week my car was sold. The universe was waiting for me to take the next step. Since then I have been thrown into a whirlwind of activity, booking flights, getting vaccines, buying luggage and finishing off a project on which I'm consulting (O.K I haven't completely given up corporate. Soon, though. Soon).

I guess my point is this: I didn't get here, to the eve of my big adventure, by sitting on the couch or complaining about my life over a glass of wine (although there was a lot of that going on too!). Every step in my adventure thus far is rooted in 20 seconds of insane, heart thumping, breath racing, what-the-heck-am-I-doing?, courage.

When last did you do something that made your heart race? Go on... try it... who knows what might happen?

Tossing a coin...

The most difficult part of an adventure is taking the first step... Indeed the hardest part is making the decision. For me that decision has three parts: where to go, when to leave, and what to do before I go.
 

Where to go

I am young with only myself to be responsible for, I have a degree, some work experience, a dive instructor qualification and a whole smorgasbord (how fun is that word to say, go ahead try saying it out loud a few times) of other random skills that will get me by in a world that is called my oyster.
 
So where does one begin? When there are so many beautiful, exotic, interesting and perhaps even scary places to see and experience how do you pick just one? With all this confusion I find myself listening to a mentor's wise words: the first place you go to is the most difficult, you will find it easier to move on to the next place... and the next... His words made me realise that whichever place I chose, I can always change my mind if I don't like it or if I feel like it's time to move on.
 
So then it's settled, after much debating and research and endless conversations with good friends over ice cream and tea and those awesome little mini caramel Swiss rolls, I have decided that Thailand will be the first stop in my great adventure.
 

When to leave and what to do before I go

My soul is yearning to get on a plane and if it had it's way I would do so tomorrow. Unfortunately I need to be practical and there are a few things I need to complete before I leave. I am consulting on a project which needs to be settled, along with this there are countless Adventure related errands to run.

I have to think which bag (or combination thereof) is best to travel with - I settled for having a dive bag custom made out of old ship sails as well as a hiking backpack- what vaccines to get, where to stay for the first few days in Thailand, book my ticket and a million other small little things that I haven't even thought about. I should really make a to-do-list... "Make a to-do-list" will be the first item on my to-do-list for tomorrow, I think.
 
And then there's also my little detour... I'm pushing my departure date out by a month to go have a little mini adventure. Well, here is my current coin tossing situation. I have an opportunity to go to the coast to do a day skippers course, yacht sailing course, sailing career development course, whatever you want to call it. It will be 28 days spent on the sea learning all about sailing and yachts, and engines and knot tying and... Well let's just say for the water baby and fish (Pisces) that I am is sounds like bliss. Sure I will probably be complaining about sunburn and crazy, untame-able hair soon, soon... But I think the coin has already been tossed and it does not matter whether it's heads or tails, my mind has already been made up...

The start of a journey...

The start of a journey is always filled with excitement and giddiness. It's often late at night or early in the morning when warm beds are traded for long car drives. Where the only evidence that you are moving forward on the black ribbon road is the white lines that speed towards you... and then past...


The start of a journey often has bitter sweet emotions. Sadness for what is being left behind. An unquenchable thirst of curiosity for what lies ahead, where the road has turned from black to charcoal grey and the white lines start gliding past at a much more leisurely pace.


My journey started almost 5 years ago when I did my first scuba diving course. I didn't realise (and perhaps wasn't prepared for - who ever is?) what the universe had in stall for me. I was a young girl, scared of her own voice... who spoke in whispers when she chose to speak at all.


I had grown and lived and loved and hurt and got hurt whilst all the time not realising that I was, indeed adventuring and learning to laugh. All of this was interwoven with moments of  breathing under water.


In the past year the white lines of my journey has accelerated at an alarming speed, filling my life with so many lessons, experiences and moments filled with magic as well as sorrow.


And it's brought me to this moment. The eve of embarking on one of the biggest journeys of my life. On my chest of drawers there is a brand new passport... with 26 empty pages waiting to be filled with memories and adventures, with laughter and love,  sorrow and disappointment, excitement and dancing... always the dancing... All of this while I'm 'caution-thrown-to-the-wind, kick-off-your-shoes-and-dance-in-the-rain, fill-each-moment-with-all-consuming-passion', living!